Man of Action
by The WGPM
Summary: It pays to have the freedom of speech. Whether you use it often or not is up to you. But on 'No Talking' Day, someone finds it difficult to keep quiet. Two-shot; the first chapter is Ferb's POV, the second is Perry's.
1. Man of Action

**I do not own Phineas and Ferb. Short and sweet.**

* * *

We almost always wake up around 7:00 A. M., Phineas and I. And we almost always beat the alarm clock. On the occasion that we do not, Perry's chatter is what awakens us. Why today should be any different is beyond me.

Perry _was_ the one who woke me up, but not by way of chatter. The sun flooding in through my bedroom window blinded me as the platypus nudged me awake. He crawled on my lap and purred silently as I stroked him. These times in the morning before Phin wakes up are always so peaceful.

Apparently I jumped to conclusions. Phineas was awake; he was just being uncharacteristically quiet. Perhaps today's Big Idea was striking him at an early hour. It has happened before. I supposed that wouldn't be a surprise.

No, what was surprising was that even as we brushed our teeth and combed our hair (both actions better than normal, seeing as Perry was still in the room), Phineas had not only failed to reveal the project, but he had failed to speak a word to me.

It's not as if he ignored me. He was well aware of my presence when he waved good morrow to me and when he handed me the hairbrush. His facial expressions spoke loudly, as they seem to do. But he didn't appear to understand the question in my eyes when we proceeded downstairs for breakfast. So, I simply chose to say it audibly: "Phineas, is something on your mind?"

Now my brother was the one with questioning eyes. Nonverbally, he asked me, "Why are _you_ speaking?" I returned the confusion that showed in his somewhat - disappointed? - face. We started eating, the silence awkward for only one of us.

The rest of the morning was one long game of charades. He would gesture one word at a time, and I would guess what he was trying to say. Yes, aloud.

"We - go - outside," I repeated. Phineas shook his head. He shrugged, then cupped one hand in a "C" shape and balled up the other underneath it. Realizing his mistake, he switched hands so that the "C" was backwards. A question mark. "Oh, a suggestion. We go outside?" He nodded, seeing as that was about as close I would get. I blinked, nodded back, and followed him out of the door.

It was as if the world was asleep. The summer breeze, though present, didn't make any sound as it passed through the big tree. Not even the finches sang.

We sat down under the tree and Phineas started miming again. He pointed with both hands to himself. "You." He pointed to his temple. "Know." He shook his head. "Think?" Negative. "Uh, wonder." Phineas pressed his finger to his pointy nose. "You... You're picking your nose?" His expression told me that clearly wasn't it. "Okay, you wonder." He shaded his eyes and looked around. "You wonder search." He question marked again. "You wonder... Where?"

He pointed at me in affirmation. The next one was easy. He crawled on all fours and crossed his eyes. "You wonder where spatula."

"Really?" His eyes asked.

"Sorry, you walked right into that one. You wonder where Perry went. Yeah, so do I."

* * *

Candace opened the screen door and walked outside, frowning. She crossed her arms and inspected us head to toe, as if expecting something. She wouldn't speak, so she just stood there waiting.

I took the opportunity to ask the question that was on my mind all day. "Candace, Phineas isn't talking today. Do you know why? Normally, it wouldn't be a problem, but this is my fourteenth line."

Her facial expressions, in order of appearance, were as follows: surprised, suspicious, unimpressed. I looked at her expectantly. Though it's true that I rarely do either, I feel more comfortable emoting more than normal than speaking so. And, if it could be helped, I'd like to keep the number at 14.

Candace, however, refused to answer. She turned and ran back into the house. Oh well.

I silently asked Phineas what the deal was. I suppose I didn't expect an answer. He started playing with his hands again, and I was becoming a bit tired of guessing. He pointed to his wrist. What was that supposed to mean? He made his hand move as if it were in a puppet that was speaking. Then he shook his head. No speaking. That didn't help.

Then, a silver lining. The way he stopped trying to tell me something to put his hand on his chin (though it can be argued that he doesn't have one) and think showed me something I didn't need to hear to understand.

"Ferb!" His face said, "I know what we're gonna do today!"

* * *

I had never seen Phineas write up a blueprint so quickly. As soon as I saw the words 'telepathic wavelengths' I knew what the idea was. I went to get the peanut butter.

As I came back outside, I turned toward the gate. I sensed someone coming.

Isabella! _Yes, Isabella, say it_, I thought,_Say 'Whatcha doin'?'._

But Isabella strolled right on in, grinning curiously. No, not her too-!

The situation reminded me of that one day - Jeremy's birthday, I think - when I revealed Ferbland. I decided it was best to just sink back into there then. I figured Isabella wasn't going to break the silence, though, so working on the project was going to be interesting.

So. I can't help thinking that today was special - more so than most other days. There aren't many holidays in summer - really only Father's Day and the ever awkward American Independence Day - but there are plenty of birthdays. It doesn't seem to bother anyone else that Phineas, Candace, Mum, Isabella, Jeremy, Stacy, and our astronaut friend Sergei were all born during these months, in addition to the anniversary of our parents' wedding (was that not also Vanessa's birthday?) and that of the day we first brought Perry home. If that many people in this small area have birthdays in summer, I can only imagine how many people in the entire Tri-State Area do.

This is where my thoughts were headed when the first of the telepathic enhancers was complete. It struck me as odd that we have never attempted mind reading before. Because each of our heads were inexplicably reminiscent of differing geometric shapes, we each needed our own. Phineas seemed very serious when he gestured that I should use the first one.

So I dropped out of Ferbland for a moment and tried to clear my mind. I hooked up the last of the wires to the machine, stretched it out around my temple, and powered it on.

_Hey, bro! Does it work?_ Phineas asked. I gave him a thumbs-up.

_So, if I asked you whatcha doin', you would hear me? _I nodded, though the sensation is not like hearing. It's much like thinking, though the words are not yours. It's like... Reading. I mean, is that not why this is in first person? That's probably why it's referred to as mind reading in the first place. You can learn a lot when defying the laws of physics.

As much as I would like to learn why no one was speaking, I admit I've talked much more than normal today, and this bothers me a tad. After a while I'd have the chance to ask without technically verbalizing. So I moved to turn off the headset, but then I felt something... Powerful. A bit overwhelming, actually. Happiness, sheer happiness, was surging through my brain without invitation.

I looked at Isabella, who was staring at my brother. For about a second. Then she got a little jumpy, realizing that I had experienced her thoughts, and she blushed madly.

_Sorry_, she thought, embarrassed.

_Oh, they'll be sorry_, another voice interrupted. I turned towards the house long before Candace walked back outside. _Now, it will be hard to get her to come without speaking, but it's all about timing. Just gotta see exactly what it is they're - oh my gosh! What is Ferb wearing?_

After a rant like that I figured it was really time to take the machine off. So I killed the power, removed it from my head, and folded it up to pocket-size. I always found easy storage convenient. Candace, seeing that she couldn't easily involve herself with us given the apparent circumstances, simply settled for a chance to watch from a distance. She told us by pointing to both eyes, then to the yard.

* * *

Once the first one was finished, it was easy to create machines for Phineas and Isabella. Each of the telepathic enhancers fit comfortably on the head of the intended wearer. I couldn't help thinking that Phineas looked a bit funny with the machine wrapped around his pointy forehead like it was.

_It's genetic!_ Phineas explained, picking up on my thought.

_It's lovely_, Isabella commented.

_Thank you,_ Phineas thought, and I begun to feel a bit guilty for having offended my brother. After all, my physique cannot be described as normal either.

_That's alright bro, I understand. It can be hard to keep deep thoughts from surfacing sometimes._

_You bet. _Did I hear worry in Isabella's thoughts? _No, no you didn't,_ she thought sternly.

_Yeah, what would she have to worry about? It's not like anyone's been keeping some big secret all summer or anything... Right?_

Isabella, sensing the danger presented by the telepathic enhancers, walked over to Phineas and flipped his off. Faster than the speed of light, she thought to me: _Don't tell him!_

_You can trust me_, I promised_._

_Hey, what was that for?_ Phineas asked, turning his headset on.

_Relax, Phin_, I instructed, _Besides, I believe someone owes me an explanation. Why isn't anyone speaking today? It's not personal, is it?_

_No, it's not personal_, Phineas explained,_Today is 'No Talking' Day. We're just getting into spirit, that's all._

_Why did no one tell me?_ I asked, feeling excluded_._

_Sorry, I thought you knew_, Phineas chuckled to himself, _I mean, you haven't told me otherwise._

_Wait, wait_, Isabella interrupted, _You mean to tell me that _Ferb_ of all people spoke today?_

_I told you, I was not informed of this! Say, does anyone else feel something coming from a new source?_

_Come on! It can't be that hard to see that I want you to come outside! Oh, this is hopeless._

That was clearly Candace. The next thoughts were from Mum. _Oh, I get it now. Candace is trying to tell me something!_

_You're not good at pantomiming, Kevin_. That was new.

_What was that?_ Phineas asked.

_Beats me_, I replied.

_Not now!_ Candace exclaimed.

_Driving our sister insane, check_, Phineas joked.

Suddenly, I felt it again. The overwhelming happiness.

_YouknowIthinkweshouldreallyturntheseoff_, Isabella thought hastily. _We might, uh, find something out that should be kept private._

_I_ _agree_, I thought just as quickly. I turned my headset off and put it away. Phineas and Isabella did likewise.

Candace had apparently given up on asking Mum to come outside, and was now pushing her out. Mum waved and smiled, and we did the same. Candace stood there, speechless.

We all headed inside. _Oh, there you are, Perry_, I thought as I passed him by the door.


	2. Monotreme of Action

**Okay, I'll let you in on a secret. As of now, I'm sorta new to this site. So I guess it wasn't right to not write this because I just want reviews. So I'll say for now that three was enough. Anyway, here's Perry's side of "Man of Action."**

* * *

My head hurt. Sorry, I didn't want to start this that way, but it was true. The effect of yesterday's Very-Loud-Noise-Inator left some ringing in my ears(Yes. I have ears.). So when the boys' alarm clock poked me awake at around 7:00 A.M., I chose to nudge them instead of chirping.

Phineas was first, for the sole reason that I fell asleep on his bed last night. Always a light sleeper, the boy saw me, smiled, and scratched that spot right underneath my bill that triggers my involuntary reflex. Technically, I had no control over my tail when it sprung up and knocked Phin on the side of his face. He didn't appear hurt, and he didn't cry out. He simply picked me up and squeezed the early-morning drowsiness out of me.

Once out of Phineas's grip, I regained balance and headed to his brother's bed. I rubbed up against the lad, who squinted from the incoming sunlight and sat up. I crawled on his lap and purred silently as he pet me. Though generally emotionless, as Ferb is, he looked surprised to see his brother already awake. He patted me off his lap and proceeded to complete his daily ablutions with his brother. I stayed and watched lazily, trying to shake the headache.

As the boys left for breakfast, I felt like something was crawling up my foreleg. I attempted to shake it off, but then realized I had simply left my wrist communicationizer on vibrate. Using the other foreleg, I answered the call. I expected to hear the voice of my superior, Major Monogram, but the screen only read the words: 'Report to Lair.' I dismissed the call and slapped on my 1940's fedora. On two legs now, I ran to the oversized lawn gnome next to the S.S. Phineas (Man, that thing creeps me out), opened the top by taking its hat off, and fell into my lair.

* * *

I clicked on the large screen in my lair. Major Monogram was there, waiting to give me the briefing. He cleared his throat, then proceeded to give me probably one of the most confusing assignments ever. Which is saying something. All I could see was the major's hands moving as if he were performing shadow puppetry.

As a part of my training, I decided to learn basic sign language for inter-speciel communication. Monogram took his right hand, kept it open, and placed his fingers on his chin. Then, he dropped it out towards me. Good. He put his left arm, from the elbow down, horizontally and folded his right arm over his left hand. Morning. Oh, good morning. Look it up, kids.

Judging by the rest of the briefing, I could see that the major wasn't, in fact... How do I say this... _Fluent_ in sign language. The next words were clearly the result of my boss's improvising. He tipped an imaginary hat to me, then gave me an ASL letter P. Agent P. After that, I was totally lost. Here and there, he would put his pointer finger out like a nose. I could only take that to mean Dr. Doofenshmirtz, my nemesis, based on the smirk on his face whenever he did it.

I let out an unimpressed chatter and figured I should just leave. Carl stepped on-screen and started signing. Much to my relief, he was able to communicate quickly and comprehensively. _Well, I suppose it isn't technically 'No Chattering' Day_, he signed, _So I guess you're safe. Sorry about this, Agent P._ _I tried to teach him ASL, but as you can see, we didn't get much progress, am I right? Anyway, I would like to give you your mission but unfortunately I am not granted access to that information. If I had to guess, though, it would be something like, "Stop Doofenshmirtz's scheme." So, get to it, Agent P.  
_

The annoyed - jealous? - look on Major Monogram's face accompanied me on my way out.

* * *

I flew into the D.E.I. Building as an instrumental version of the normal jingle sounded. It occurred to me that for some reason, no one has spoken an audible word all day. That wouldn't be a surprise if it was just Ferb, but everyone had been silent. Yes, this sounds weird coming from an animal who wouldn't normally even understand human speech, but now that I have grown accustomed to it I've come to expect it.

For the sake of _not_ adding to my pounding headache, I had decided to take my hang-glider there. I soared onto the part of the purple building that appeared to have shifted a bit from the rest, like the result of a poorly played game of Jenga. I tried to put away the tool before the evil 'doctor' saw me, but to no avail. As he advanced toward me, only one thought entered my mind._Doofenshmirtz! You slow-clapping fiend!_ He grinned evilly, not saying, or gesturing for that matter, anything of use to me yet. He stopped clapping, withdrew a remote from his pocket, and moved his hands behind his back.

I have to guess that while he hid his hands he had pressed the button on the remote, because the next thing I knew I was completely immobilized - trapped, mind you - by... Something. Upon further examination, I found it was in fact my own red hang-glider that had me bound.

"Yes!" Doof exclaimed enthusiastically, pumping both fists into the air. Hearing the first word today sort of brought back my headache, which was just about gone before he reminded me of it. I cringed, but shook it off, and looked up to see my nemesis covering his mouth with both hands, embarrassed. Okay, so clearly today was going to be interesting.

"Oh I'm sorry, Perry the Platypus," he started, apparently his rambly blabbering self again, "I tried. I really did try to keep quiet today. It's just that it was so hard to get your little hang-glider and make it into a trap that I forgot today was 'No-Talking Day'. Wait, is that even grammatically correct? It's supposed to be spelled with single-lined quotation marks, but ironically enough this is in dialogue, so if I were to, say, repeat someone else's words while talking I would use the - let's call them apostrophes, because that's what they are - I would use apostrophes, but if I were to quote someone quoting someone else, I don't know what I would have to use. And when the name of today is supposed to be spelled with apostrophes, which it is, that would be pretty much the same thing. Right? So, am I supposed to use quotation marks or apostrophes? Or something entirely different, like two quotation marks right next to each other? No, that would be too confusing... Then again, the English language always did confuse me, and I'm sure plenty of other people who tried to learn it as a second language. I mean, why on Earth do people park on driveways and drive on parkways - ? Perry the Platypus, are you paying attention? I'm ranting right now and I'm not even supposed to be speaking! Hello?"

Not at all interested in his very long, uncomprehensive, and might I add _loud_ interpretation of English grammar, I had been trying to find a way out of my own hang-glider. Realizing that since Doofenshmirtz had modified it, I figured there would probably be some sort of self-destruct button on it somewhere, and if I could only locate it, I would have a way out. Squirming around in the piece of O.W.C.A. property that Dr. D had sabotaged, I finally found what looked like one attached to the handlebars.

I went to activate it but caught myself. If I destroyed my only means of transportation, I would have to walk home, if I ever made it out of the building. So instead I remembered the auto-storage switch on the side of the glider and fumbled for that, thankful it wasn't tampered with. So by the time Doofenshmirtz finished his unnecessary rant that wouldn't even happen if that ever-fragile fourth wall was still intact, I was out of the trap.

"Oh, come on, Perry the Platypus. Do you know how hard it was to make that? Wait a minute-" he took his remote back out, pressed the button again, and I was trapped. Again. This time, though, I knew what to do. I was out as quickly as I got in.

Flustered, he pressed the button yet again. And I escaped yet again. He trapped me another time. "Perry the Platypus, you're such a pain! Come on, I haven't even shown you my -inator. Wait until I get that off my back, okay?" Unamused, I figured neither of us were going to get anywhere by continuing to argue over whether or not I was temporarily inconvenienced. And a temporary inconvenience is what most of these 'traps' are, really.

And yes, that was correct. I wasn't speaking (duh) so apostrophes are very appropriate... Right? I mean, that's what I've been using this whole time.

So I let my nemesis continue. "Okay. Since you're so excited today, behold! The ""Blabber-Inator!"" Yeah, I just wanted to try that. The whole, 'double quotation marks' thing. And it wasn't worth it. And there are those apostrophes again! Ugh, all this punctuation is making my heads hurt. I think I'm going to just try omitting it entirely just to confuse the readers Thats considered evil right Of course it is What Im still going to use capitalization Im evil not lazy

Sorry, folks, but like I said, the fourth wall is a bit fragile.

Anyway, Doof continued to explain his plan: So as you know today is No Talking day Hah I feel so evil right now Anyway when someone speaks today they will become embarrassed because its goes against social norms and I dont mean my robot Norm but I guess you knew that So what this machine will do is it will make whoever it affects speak way more than normal instead of keeping quiet Though it is relative to whomever it hits so I wonder what would happen if someone who didnt talk much was affected by the ray They might get up to say fourteen lines Dont ask where I got that number Theres actually a formula Anyway I think you see where Im going with this Im going to hit Roger with the beam and then he will yes he will Im not going to use the contraction thats just wrong Anyway as I was saying he will get embarrassed and then everyone will think hes irresponsible and he will be forced to step out of office and then I will march in to take his place

Ohhhhhh, that was _not_ pleasant. Tell you what. I'll try to make up for my nemesis's blunderings by using that colon. I hope that'll make it somewhat legible. Also, if you haven't noticed I've kind of given up on the fourth wall, so... I do not own Jenga and neither does this 'The WGPM' person.

Doof turned towards his machine. Before he continued explaining, I took the opportunity to escape the trap (again).

Actually I

Wait! Doof, you didn't let me give everyone a colon. Okay, here you go (and good luck!): In reality I already used it before you got here See Perry the Platypus Im introducing an Evil with a Side of Evil policy regarding my work Im going to use my invention for my evil plan to take over the Tri State Area but also Im also going to use it to ruin the lives of innocent civilians Oh that sounded a little harsh but what the heck Ill keep it So one beam went to the suburbs one to a part of the city etc etc

Surprisingly, he didn't see me escape the entire time he was speaking. I started to think that maybe he was hit with the beam... Well, maybe not. I'm not sure I would be able to differentiate between Doof and a slightly more talkative Doof. Finally taking advantage of his vulnerability, I landed a jump kick to the back of his head. While he complained, still omitting punctuation, I found a self-destruct button that I could actually push. And I pushed it, to clear up any confusion.

I leaped out of the way of the explosion, towards the doctor. I grabbed his remote, and before he could react, smashed it on the floor. I hopped on my glider and flew away while Doofenshmirtz shouted: "Hey, I told you I worked hard on that! Oh, look what you made me do. I'm speaking normally again. Curse you, Perry the Platypus!"

I flew back home, my mission complete. Before entering the house, I took the time to press the self-destruct button on my glider. I didn't want to take any chances.

* * *

**Well, this chapter was a bit painful to write. Just take it as a message to people who forget how important punctuation is. Also, reviews are appreciated, but not demanded. But still appreciated!**


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